it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
