I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
