last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
