No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
