new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
