you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
