If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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