I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize