Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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