On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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