So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
