I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
