I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
