i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
