I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
