Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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