would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
