Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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