I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
