I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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