I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
