i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
