so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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