You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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