He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
