Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
