just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
