she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
