dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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