glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
50% drunk capacity currently
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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