No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
