i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
