when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina just clenched in fear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
