Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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