I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Please don't give away my fajitas
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
