WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
whose parrot is this?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
