it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
