Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
