SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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