I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
