they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
