you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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