don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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