I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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