My cat gives me a boner
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
