I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
