The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
