Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
