i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
