maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
