i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Randomize
