You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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