i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
