You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize