just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
