i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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