I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
