After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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