her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
