At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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