He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
