so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
soo... how was my night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
