remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
