Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
