How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
