you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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