I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
